SATIRE FROM THE BOROWITZ REPORT
TRUMP URGES SPY AGENCIES TO LAY OFF RUSSIA AND FOCUS ON THREAT POSED BY ACTRESSES
Calling the recent allegations against Russia a “witch hunt,” Trump told the intelligence chiefs that their investigations of Russian President Vladimir Putin were distracting them from “America’s real enemy, actresses.”
Growing increasingly irate, he laid out a series of proposals for dealing with what he called a “scourge,” including mandatory registration of actresses and a temporary ban on actresses entering the country.
Additionally, he said that the flow of actresses could be “cut off at the source” by having F.B.I. agents infiltrate improv classes.
“Nothing should be taken off the table,” Trump reportedly said.
The President-elect also complained that, under President Barack Obama, actresses have been allowed to operate with impunity. “Barack Obama is basically the founder of actresses,” he said.
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-urges-spy-agencies-to-lay-off-russia-and-focus-on-threat-posed-by-actresses
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