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Since the Dilly, Dally, Delay & Stall Law Firms are adding their billable hours, the Toyota U.S.A. and Route 44 Toyota posts have been separated here:

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Showing posts with label the ONION. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the ONION. Show all posts

Saturday, October 29, 2016

the ONION: What Happens If Trump Refuses To Concede Election







What Happens If Trump Refuses To Concede Election


October 28, 2016

Donald Trump has stated publicly multiple times that he may not accept the results of the presidential election if Hillary Clinton is named the victor. Here’s what would happen if Trump refuses to concede.



Q: What happens when a presidential candidate doesn’t concede?



A: As per the Constitution, each candidate is allowed to take their supporters and start a new country.

Q: Why might Trump refuse to concede?



A: While experts are divided, a lifetime spent never hearing the word “no” from anyone is probably a good guess.

Q: Is there a danger violence could break out?



A: Thankfully, only if Trump displays a tendency toward inciting his supporters to extreme anger.

Q: Could there be rioting?



A: Not technically, since the individuals causing property damage and starting fires will most likely be white.

Q: Should I be worried?



A: If you haven’t already been horrified for the last 16 months, there’s probably no point in starting now.


Q: What legal recourse does Trump have for challenging the election result?



A: Candidates wishing to dispute the outcome of a national election must file a motion with the District of Columbia Small Claims Court between the hours of 9 a.m. and 4 p.m., weekdays.

Q: What does Trump risk by not conceding?



A: Fanning the flames of violence, delegitimizing the United States government, but most of all, missing out on a valuable life lesson.

Q: Does something like this have historical precedent?



A: Yes.

Q: In America?



A. Oh, God no!

Q: When does somebody step in to ensure this doesn’t get out of hand?



A: Ideally, sometime around August 2015.

Q: Is this what a crumbling empire looks like?



A: Yup!

Q: What will happen to Clinton if Trump doesn’t concede?



A: She will become president of the United States on January 20, 2017.


http://www.theonion.com/infographic/what-happens-if-trump-refuses-concede-election-54546




Sunday, August 21, 2016

the ONION: Mentally Unbalanced Man Still Waiting For The Right Trump Comment To Incite Him




the ONION: 

Mentally Unbalanced Man Still Waiting For The Right Trump Comment To Incite Him


HARRISBURG, PA—Explaining that the candidate’s recent inflammatory statements had further stoked his uncontrollable fury but hadn’t quite pushed him over the edge, local resident and mentally unhinged man Peter Scheft told reporters Friday he is still waiting for the exact right comment from Trump that will incite him to action. “Donald Trump has definitely said a lot of things that have reinforced my paranoid worldview, but I still haven’t heard that one key phrase that I know will really set me off,” said the psychologically disturbed 45-year-old, who noted that Trump’s remarks over the past 12 months, while increasingly vitriolic and incendiary, have not yet been worded in such a way that speaks directly to his delusional beliefs and spurs him to act on his manic, deep-seated rage. “It might not be tomorrow, or next week, or maybe not even until the debates, but sooner or later Trump is going to utter a perfectly phrased comment that provokes a major reaction from me. It could be a statement comparing all refugees to the 9/11 hijackers, or one that describes liberal judges as enemies of the Constitution bent on removing all our freedoms—regardless, I have complete confidence that between now and Election Day, something he says will just click and set me on an irreversible course of action.” The deeply troubled individual added that if Trump were to ever direct a bitter comment toward women who use Planned Parenthood services, that might be just the ticket.