Since the Dilly, Dally, Delay & Stall Law Firms are adding their billable hours, the Toyota U.S.A. and Route 44 Toyota posts have been separated here:

Route 44 Toyota Sold Me A Lemon

Saturday, July 4, 2015

How I Got PTSD From My Marriage

How I Got PTSD From My Marriage

Abuse is slow and methodical and incessant, like a dripping kitchen faucet.

June 30, 2015

Stop. Just stop asking why a woman is so stupid and so weak when she stays in an abusive relationship. There's no answer you can possibly understand.
Your judgment only further shames abused women. It shames women like me.
There was no punch on the very first date with my ex-husband. That's not normally how abusive marriages start. In fact, my first date was probably pretty similar to yours: he was charming, he paid attention to me, and he flattered me.
Of course, the red flags were there in the beginning of my relationship. But I was young and na├»ve, probably much like you were in the beginning of your relationship.
Except my marriage took a different turn than yours.
An abusive marriage takes time to build. It's slow and methodical and incessant, much like a dripping kitchen faucet.
It begins like a little drip you don't even notice — an off-hand remark that is "just a joke." I'm told I'm too sensitive and the remark was no big deal. It seems so small and insignificant at the time. I probably am a little too sensitive.
I occasionally notice the drip but it's no big deal. A public joke made at my expense is just my partner being the usual life of the party. When he asks if I'm wearing this dress out or whom I'm going with, it only means he loves me and cares about me.
When he tells me he doesn't like my new friend, I agree. Yes, I can see where she can be bossy. My husband is more important than a friend, so I pull away and don't continue the friendship.
The drip is getting annoying, but you don't sell your house over a leaky faucet.
When a playful push was a little more than playful, I tell myself he didn't really mean it. 
He forgets he's stronger than me. When I confront him in yet another lie he's told, he tells me I'm crazy for not believing him. Maybe I'm crazy ... I'm beginning to feel a little crazy.
I begin to compensate for the drips in my marriage. I'll be better. I'll be a better wife. I'll make sure the house is clean and dinner is always prepared. And when he doesn’t even come home for dinner, I'll keep it wrapped and warmed in the oven for him.
On a night I'm feeling feisty, I feed his dinner to the dog before he comes home. I'm not feeling quite as smug well after midnight when he does show up. I quickly get out of bed and go to the kitchen as he yells at me to make him dinner.
Waking me from sleep becomes a regular occurrence. I no longer allow myself deep, restful sleep. I'm always listening and waiting.
In the morning, I'll shush the kids to keep them quiet so they don't wake up daddy. We all begin to walk on eggshells around him.
The drip is flowing pretty strong now. I'm afraid to put a bucket under it and see how much water I'm really losing. Denial is setting in.
If I hadn't said what I did, he wouldn't have gotten so mad. It's my fault; I need to just keep quiet. I should know better than to confront him when he's been drinking.
He's right — I really am an ungrateful bitch. He goes to work every day so I can stay home with the kids. Of course he needs time to himself on the way home from work each day.
On the rare occasion I do meet with my friends, I rush to be home before him. I never ask him to babysit so I can do something in the evening. I mustn't inconvenience him.
We attempt marriage counseling. Although neither of us is totally honest about why we are there, the counselors are open with us about their concerns.
We never spend more than one session with a counselor.
I'm working so hard to be the perfect wife and have the perfect family that I don't take the time to notice there's water spilling on to the floor. 
I know what will make this better. I’ll get really active outside the home but of course, I'll still take care of everything in the home and never burden him. And I'll never dare ask for help.
I'm now the perfect fourth grade room mother. My church mentors tell me to read books and listen to lectures on praying for my husband and understanding his needs.
I work very hard to present the front of a perfectly happy family. My kids are involved in multiple activities that I, of course, solely organize and am responsible for.
I've begun to drop subtle hints to the other moms but when they confront me I adamantly deny it. No, everything is great, I insist. I point to all the happy family photos I post to Facebook as evidence.
I'm not sure which scares me more: the fear that others will find out my secret, or that my husband will find out I told the truth about our marriage. I realize I'm now afraid of him.
And then one day, I wake up and realize the house is flooding. My head bobs under the water. I'm scared.
I also see the fear in my children's eyes. Oh dear God, what have I done? How did we get here? Who have I become?
The night he throws his cell phone at me and narrowly misses my head, I want to pack the kids in the car and leave. The evening at the dinner table when he stands up and throws a fork at me in front of the kids, I want to leave.
Where would I possibly go? And if I do go somewhere, what will I do? How will I afford living on my own? 
He's right — I have no skills to survive on my own. I need his money.
"What, you want to leave and go whore around?" he yells to me. "I always knew you were a slut."
He's a master at deflection. His actions are no longer the focus; I'm the one on trial now.
I'm no longer the woman I was on our first date. I've become timid and weak in front of him. I feel defeated. I chose this man and I gave birth to these children. It's my fault.
With every breath I take, it's my duty to keep these kids safe and keep my life together. It's the only life I've known for twenty years. At this point, I don't know how to do anything else.
I stay.
The flood continues. My head bobs under a second time.
On a typical anger-filled evening, I say enough is enough and I decide to fight back. But even in his stumbling drunken stupor, he's stronger than I am.
I see the look in his eye as he hovers over me. He has biologically been given the ability to kill. That look in his eye terrifies me.
"Go ahead and leave," he sneers to me. "But the kids stay here."
My retreat that night is all it takes to turn the faucet on all the way and force me to tread water, if not for my life, then at the very least for my sanity.
Despite my best attempts, my secret has been exposed. I can't just up and leave like well-meaning friends tell me to. It's not that easy.
I have no money. In fact, he found my secret stash I'd been working on for almost a year. I thought I was so careful that no bank records would come to the house. He must have broken in to my email.
I should've known better. He always kept close tabs on me. He hated when I accused him of spying on me, so I just let him snoop.
He made me feel so guilty and ashamed when I handed over my secret savings to him. I wonder what he did with the money? I know it didn't get used for the kids needs. I assume he drank it or gambled it or used it to impress another woman.
I'm stuck. I stay.
Dear God, please don't let me go under a third time. My family is beyond rescue, but please save me and save my kids.
I'm one of the lucky ones. I'm no longer in the marriage, yet my scars run deep.
Abuse doesn't always manifest as a black eye or a bloody wound. The effects of psychological abuse are just as damaging. 
I entered counseling and was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. The psychological abuse kept me fearful, the depression and anxiety left me incapable of taking the steps necessary to get out.
Although I initially thought PTSD was a bit extreme, it's been almost three years and certain noises or situations still trigger difficult memories for me.
When my male boss was angry and yelling at the staff one day, I became physically sick. I felt like I was right back where I was years ago, sitting and cowering on the garage floor, trying to placate the anger of a man towering over me.
I worry that not only have my daughters witnessed a man mistreat a woman, but that my sons have had a poor example to follow of what it means to be a real man.
I stayed for the sake of my children. Now, I blame myself for the effects staying may possibly have on them.
Why did I stay? I stayed because I was isolated; I was financially dependent on him; I was sleep deprived; I was told and I believed I was worthless; I was worn down from constantly being on guard for the next attack.
I stayed because I was more afraid to leave.

RSN: Koch-Backed Group Calls for No More National Parks, Drought-Stricken California Farmers Forced to Use Oil Firms' Waste Water on Crops, How the Food Industry Uses Covert Tactics to Shape Public Opinion

It's Live on the HomePage Now: 
Reader Supported News

Robert Reich | On Patriotism 
Robert Reich. (photo: Richard Morgenstein) 
Robert Reich, Robert Reich's Blog 
Reich writes: "Real patriotism is not cheap. It requires taking on a fair share of the burdens of keeping America going - being willing to pay taxes in full rather than seeking tax loopholes and squirreling away money abroad." 
Drought-Stricken California Farmers Forced to Use Oil Firms' Waste Water on Crops 
Veronique Dupont, Agence France-Presse 
Dupont writes: "An efficient solution to a historic drought, or an environmentally risky pact with the devil? That's the question being raised by critics about Californian farmers who irrigate their crops with waste water supplied by oil companies, in an arrangement slammed as dangerous by environmental campaigners." 
Barbara Kingsolver | A View From the South: Let the Confederate Flag Go 
Barbara Kingsolver, Guardian UK 
Kingsolver writes: "My little town is proud to have reared citizens like Carolee, an honour student and star athlete who offers a helping hand to anyone she meets. She wears her blonde hair in a ponytail and a delicate tattoo on her wrist. It's the Confederate battle flag." 
Koch-Backed Group Calls for No More National Parks 
Claire Moser, ThinkProgress 
Moser writes: "Just in time for the Fourth of July - when millions of people across the country will visit America's national parks and other public lands - the Koch brothers are rolling out their latest campaign against these treasured places: pushing for no more national parks." 
Obama Administration Scales Back Deportations in Policy Shift 
Jerry Markon, The Washington Post 
Markon writes: "The Obama administration has begun a profound shift in its enforcement of the nation's immigration laws, aiming to hasten the integration of long-term illegal immigrants into society rather than targeting them for deportation, according to documents and federal officials." 
How the Food Industry Uses Covert Tactics to Shape Public Opinion 
Anne Lappe, Al Jazeera America 
Lappe writes: "While food industry spin is not new, we're seeing an unprecedented level of spending and deployment of an ever wider array of PR tactics. We argue this rise of industrial food spin is a direct response to mounting public concerns about industrial agriculture as well as a growing interest in sustainable food and groundswell for organic products." 
People Power Shut the Door on Fracking in the UK 
Fiona Harvey, Guardian UK 
Harvey writes: "Relentless local protests and a damning report have dealt a double blow to a fledgling fracking industry, but the companies aren't going to go away." 

CounterCurrents: Mass Demonstration Opposes Austerity In Greece, USA Celebrates Profitable Genocide: Enslaving Africans To Destroying 6 Muslim Nations!, If ISIS Doesn’t Liberate Palestine… Who Will?

Dear Friend,

If you think the content of this news letter is critical for the dignified living and survival of humanity and other species on earth, please forward it to your friends and spread the word. It's time for humanity to come together as one family! You can subscribe to our news letter here You can also follow us on twitter, and on Facebook,

In Solidarity
Binu Mathew

Mass Demonstration Opposes Austerity In Greece 
By Robert Stevens & Christoph Dreier

Athens: Ahead of Sunday’s referendum a massive protest took place in Athens Friday evening, in opposition to the austerity programme of the European Union (EU) and International Monetary Fund. In a show of defiance, tens of thousands of people packed Athens’ central Syntagma Square in front of the parliament building. The main sentiment expressed by the crowd was a determination to end years of austerity. Among them were many young people

Greece And Other Musings On July 4th
By Paul Craig Roberts

If Greeks are unable to discern their own interests when they vote Sunday, Americans have no right to say anything about it as Americans have proven over and over that they are incapable of knowing their own interests

USA Celebrates Profitable Genocide: Enslaving Africans To 
Destroying 6 Muslim Nations! 
By Jay Janson

Independence Holiday in the USA becomes a time when citizens tend to reflect on the nations 238 year history. It is a history typical of six European empires in the areas of genocide and plunder. Genocide: the deliberate killing of a large group of people, especially those of a particular ethnic group or nation. plural: genocides; review of USA's; update on present and future prosecution thereof

Ecuador Fights For Survival – Against Its Elites 
By Andre Vltchek

Leaders of the “opposition” will wait until arrival of Pope Francis, or perhaps they will wait bit longer, until his departure from Ecuador. Then they will hit. And they will hit hard. The mayor of Quito leads the anti-government forces in the capital. The government should not follow the path of President Allende. It has to counter-attack, before it is too late! Treason is serious crime in all societies. And treason is exactly what Ecuadorean elites are now committing!

If ISIS Doesn’t Liberate Palestine… Who Will? 
By Franklin Lamb

Young, fit Palestinians are at last being offered a job in a country where they are forbidden by law to work or own a home. Da’ish is reportedly paying an average of $300 a month, promising two and sometimes three days off each week to visit one’s family, cash bonuses for marriage and one-time child subsidies of $400 per child. Subsidies for food of $70 a month are also being offered, in the face of the fact that UNWRA has just reduced monthly cash for food stipends to a mere $30 per month. One can imagine what some of the camp residents are thinking: which horse is the best bet for an improved life and for full return to our own country? Based on conversations with recently-arrived Palestinian refugees from Syria, as well as old friends in Lebanon’s camps, this observer is confident that today only a small percentage of Palestinians are responding to the siren-call of ISIS. But tomorrow?

From Satyabhama To Satyabhama 
By K.P. Sasi

This Satyabhama in Kandhamal was again a poor woman like the Satyabhama in Chattisgarh. Both expressed immense courage in different contexts. What is more important for us is to recognise that Satyabhama in Kandhamal is alive and we must know more about all such Satyabhamas in this country, if we have to understand the words lke `secular India’ enshrined in our Indian Constitution. It is on this living Satyabhama that I would like to share some words with you

Can’t Forget What You Didn’t Know- Fred Branfman’s 
“Voices From The Plain Of Jars” And The Question Of Responsibility
By Romi Mahajan

“Voices from the Plain of Jars” helped me cure myself of ignorance on one slaughter. It’s a step on the path to a responsible life

Not So Intellectuals… 
By Nazir Gillo

The illegal detention of Muzamil Farooq, a PG student of Kashmir’s University’s English Department and its follow-up left a blot on highest seat of learning in Kashmir. The incident, which not only triggered huge demonstrations by students but also exposed how our intellectuals and premiere institutions are being overshadowed and trespassed by military might in Kashmir

RSN: American Pride in Confederate Treason

It's Live on the HomePage Now: 
Reader Supported News

FOCUS: Charles Pierce | American Pride in Confederate Treason 
Confederate flag. (photo: Getty) 
Charles Pierce, Esquire 
Pierce writes: "In which a majority of Americans think the Confederate flag symbolizes Southern pride, not racism." 

RSN: WikiLeaks Reveals NSA's Top Brazilian Political Targets

It's Live on the HomePage Now: 
Reader Supported News

FOCUS: Glenn Greenwald and David Miranda | WikiLeaks Reveals NSA's Top Brazilian Political Targets 
U.S. president Barack Obama listens to the national anthem as he stands with Brazil's president Dilma Rousseff at Planalto Palace in Brasilia, Brazil. (photo: Eraldo Peres/AP) 
Glenn Greenwald and David Miranda, The Intercept 
Greenwald and Miranda write: "Top secret data from the National Security Agency, shared with The Intercept by WikiLeaks, reveals that the U.S. spy agency targeted the cellphones and other communications devices of more than a dozen top Brazilian political and financial officials, including the country's president Dilma Rousseff, whose presidential plane's telephone was on the list." 

This & that....Happy 4th, Support our Veterans and the Heroes

The Republican party continues to prove that they are not fit to govern in America and pose a clear and present danger to society.
"Conservatives have done a great job at keeping crucial sex education out of schools. In Texas, the state with the third-highest number of HIV infections in the nation, legislators voted to move $3 million out of HIV prevention and into abstinence education.
The Texas House passed an amendment to the budget to do so with 97 in favor and 47 opposed. It was a Republican who spearheaded the idea."

The five-year survival rate for people diagnosed with HIV or AIDS is also the lowest in this area.

Something isn't right here....

The settlers came to America to escape theocratic oppression which is why they considered the separation of church and state a cornerstone of democracy. Republicans as usual ignore that fact in an apparent effort to bring back the dark ages.

Our founding fathers on why the Constitution guarantees we are not a "Christian nation"

"The Guardian has logged every police killing in America this year, and, as of 1 July 2015, 547 people have been killed by law enforcement. (This video shows the figures up to 29 June 2015, when 545 had been killed.) Of those, the vast majority were shot dead despite more than one in five of these victims being unarmed. Black people have been disproportionately killed, at a rate twice that of white and Hispanic/Latino people."
The Guardian has logged every police killing in America this year, and the results for the first six months are in

Wishing you a happy Independence Day!

Image by Occupy Democrats.

Love this story The Boston Globe did on our Veterans Centers....Just love being American, This is my favorite day of the year, Thank you Revolutionary War Soldiers and Civilians For our Freedom!!

Christopher C. Hart of Plymouth, who started the Nathan Hale Foundation, with veteran outreach centers in Plymouth and Middleborough, was a quality control...

It’s no secret that the middle class in the United States has been losing ground since Reagan took office in 1981. It’s also common knowledge that the upper,...

"newly released documents were obtained through a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request by CNN.

The documents highlight and detail the National Guard’s military mission in Ferguson, and use the terms “enemy forces” and “adversaries” in reference to citizens exercising their right to protest."

The U.S. military has been exposed for using language typically reserved for international adversaries during wartime when referring to their deployment to...