SATIRE (but never underestimate the red team and boobs)... For Blue's late night tree mates.
GOP Announces: Free Breast Implants With Obamacare
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republicans nearly admitted defeat on Monday when instead of voting to defund or defeat the Affordable Care Act, they added a provision.
A statement from Speaker of the House, John Boehner (R-Ohio) read:
While we, as Republicans, will continue to vote to obstruct and destroy Obamacare, we have to face the possibility that the bill will in fact become law*. We also understand that women voters have negatively reacted to our attempts to ensure that insurance won’t cover birth control and that they feel it’s unfair that the bill does cover erectile dysfunction pills for me.
To show that we are listening to our female constituents, we are introducing a bill that would amend Obamacare to include free breast enhancement surgery for any woman who wants it.
The reaction was swift. Controversial radio host, Rush Limbaugh said:
This is the kind of Obamacare I can get behind and in front of and in between. Just try and let those feminazis say that Republicans don’t care about women.
Democrats weren’t quite so enthusiastic about the bill. House Minority Leader, Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), said:
This is shameful. Once again, Republicans are objectifying women. It’s bad enough that they want to take away a woman’s right to choose what she wants to do with her body, but now the only medical benefit they want to give her are DDs?
The response was favorable at the Capitol Hill Hooters. “Hell, yeah,” said Josh Cunningham, staffer to Louie Gohmert (R-Texas). “Time to go for a motorboat ride – on Obama. Wait. I didn’t mean it like that. You aren’t going to quote me, right? Shit. I could lose my job. Not about the motorboat ride comment – for saying something good about Obama.”
Conversely, things weren’t so upbeat at the D.C. Planned Parenthood. “You’re kidding me, right? One by one, Republicans are stripping away women’s rights and now they’re trying to placate us by giving us free fun bags? Do you see this line out the door? Most of these women were impregnated by members of Congress. Now they’re giving themselves a reason to get even hornier?”
The bill, if passed, will not include reconstructive surgery, nor will it include medically prescribed breast reduction surgery. The surgery will only be available to women between the ages of 16 and 44.
*The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, a.k.a., Obamacare has been law since March of 2010.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Republicans nearly admitted defeat on Monday when instead of voting to defund or defeat the Affordable Care Act, they added a provision.A statement from Speaker of the House, John Boehner (R-Ohio) read:
While we, as Republicans, will continue to vote to obstruct and destroy Obamacare, we have to face the possibility that the bill will in fact become law*. We also understand that women voters have negatively reacted to our attempts to ensure that insurance won’t cover birth control and that they feel it’s unfair that the bill does cover erectile dysfunction pills for me.The reaction was swift. Controversial radio host, Rush Limbaugh said:
To show that we are listening to our female constituents, we are introducing a bill that would amend Obamacare to include free breast enhancement surgery for any woman who wants it.
This is the kind of Obamacare I can get behind and in front of and in between. Just try and let those feminazis say that Republicans don’t care about women.Democrats weren’t quite so enthusiastic about the bill. House Minority Leader, Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), said:
This is shameful. Once again, Republicans are objectifying women. It’s bad enough that they want to take away a woman’s right to choose what she wants to do with her body, but now the only medical benefit they want to give her are DDs?The response was favorable at the Capitol Hill Hooters. “Hell, yeah,” said Josh Cunningham, staffer to Louie Gohmert (R-Texas). “Time to go for a motorboat ride – on Obama. Wait. I didn’t mean it like that. You aren’t going to quote me, right? Shit. I could lose my job. Not about the motorboat ride comment – for saying something good about Obama.”
Conversely, things weren’t so upbeat at the D.C. Planned Parenthood. “You’re kidding me, right? One by one, Republicans are stripping away women’s rights and now they’re trying to placate us by giving us free fun bags? Do you see this line out the door? Most of these women were impregnated by members of Congress. Now they’re giving themselves a reason to get even hornier?”
The bill, if passed, will not include reconstructive surgery, nor will it include medically prescribed breast reduction surgery. The surgery will only be available to women between the ages of 16 and 44.
*The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, a.k.a., Obamacare has been law since March of 2010.
No comments:
Post a Comment